About the Author

Lindsey Smallwood works and writes in Colorado where she hopes to leave a legacy of good relationships and bad dance moves.

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  1. I totally loved this. It hit home for me because I too have similar desires for sisterhood. Would ya’ll pray that God would send me a loving group of sisters to be that for me. Thank you and God continue to bless you all.

    • Quanny and Amy I’m praying you both find a loving sisterhood with whom you can share life and grow together. We, as women, are expecially wired for connecting in relationship. It makes all our lther relationships better. As one who has moved a fair amount in life, I know what it’s like to be lonely and longing for close friendships. It can take a while to meet others who have room in their lives for you. Then, if you relocate into another area the dynamic of the friendship changes simply because there is a geographical distance. I have several long distance soul sisters who’s friendship withstands the test of time. And I am extremely grateful for them. However, having friends physically close by adds a whole other dimension of richness otherwise lost. I am blessed right now with 3 women friends who gather together weekly, and ask one another , “how’s your heart?”. Over the last 2 years of connecting with them, I have grown enormously. The growth shows up in my relationship with God, others, and even myself. God has stretched me through these ladies, and this one question, to the point where I’m actually hosting a conference on the topic this fall whichs includes how to create your own sisterhood group. Let me know if you want to learn more.

    • Quanny,

      Prayers that God will send some good covenant friends to do life with! May He shower you with the love & friendship you so desire.

      Father,

      Please send Quanny a loving group of women to share life with. Help her to make friends she can love, encourage, & do life.
      Blessings 🙂

  2. This wasn’t what I expected when I opened the e-mail, but I’m so glad that I did take a moment to read. I was also very drawn to the idea of a sorority, and I was surprised and pleased to have the opportunity to join one as an alumna initiate AFTER college. Not many people even know that is possible! I have truly enjoyed that experience, but I agree wholeheartedly with the essence of your post. Sisterhood takes many forms and can be found in a variety of places. When we open ourselves to deeper relationships and greater vulnerability, amazing things can happen.

  3. Lindsey,
    I was part of a sorority at a Christian college (double bonus). We developed deep bonds during college, but even more so after we got out in the “real world”. My sisters in Christ have helped to see me through some pretty dark times, and they have rallied around me in the victories. God never meant for us to be islands unto ourselves…we ALL need community of some sort whether it’s a mom’s group, quilting circle, Bible study, etc. The enemy loves to isolate us because it’s in the separated place that he can do the most damage to our souls. So thankful for the fellowship I have found here at (in)courage!! Thank you for the ladies who have prayed for me and encouraged me. I am truly grateful. Lindsey…so glad you have found your “sisterhood”…never too late 🙂
    Blessings,
    Bev

    • “The enemy loves to isolate us because it’s in the separated place that he can do the most damage to our souls.”

      This statement has pierced my heart. I have never had this stated this way. I have been in that “separated place” for so very long. I’m sure I am responsible for isolating myself initially…..never understanding the damage that would be done. Years have passed and now, even though I long to be a part of life and “sisterhood”, I can’t find my way back. I honestly have felt like I lost my opportunity and I am destined to stay in that isolated place…..now I’m not so sure! I pray our Lord and Savior will help all of us find a way out of those isolated places and into the beauty of belonging.

      • Jen, I hear you! Your very words could be mine also. I, too, have been in that “separated place” for a long time. Suffering with seasons/cycles of depression has isolated me and several friends now stand at a distance in silence. No blame to them at all, but it’s a hard and lonely place. However, the Lord has brought Bev and the lovely, Godly ladies of (In)Courage into my life and I am so very thankful! Also, it has driven me closer to the Lord, for He truly is a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. I also pray for you and with you that the Lord will help us all find His way out of the isolated places and into the hearts of close and beautiful sister friends…….we belong to Him and may He guide us to that special place where we belong with one another, where we fit together like a beautiful puzzle, each piece different, but fitting beautifully together.

      • Jen,
        I really relate to this. Isolating is so easy especially when you initially do it out of fear, but deep in your heart you realize you want deep connection but you are afraid of yourself and the people you went to be close with. I’ve been praying God will help me in seeing I don’t have to be afraid of Him or who He sends. May He show you the same and show He is mighty to save out of the isolation.

        • Jen, Donna, and Julia my heart goes out to you. Wish I could give each of you a hug, or a smile — if a hug is too much. I will pray that God will open doors for each of you to have sweet sister fellowship. I am truly passionate about women making authentic safe friendships with one another. I will be praying you each receive blessings to you as you continue to seek sisterhood. If you’re at all interested I will be hosting a conference on the topic of how to let go of negative self-talk and create live-giving relationships with one another. http://heartworkingwomen.com/

      • Quanny and Amy I’m praying you both find a loving sisterhood with whom you can share life and grow together. We, as women, are expecially wired for connecting in relationship. It makes all our lther relationships better. As one who has moved a fair amount in life, I know what it’s like to be lonely and longing for close friendships. It can take a while to meet others who have room in their lives for you. Then, if you relocate into another area the dynamic of the friendship changes simply because there is a geographical distance. I have several long distance soul sisters who’s friendship withstands the test of time. And I am extremely grateful for them. However, having friends physically close by adds a whole other dimension of richness otherwise lost. I am blessed right now with 3 women friends who gather together weekly, and ask one another , “how’s your heart?”. Over the last 2 years of connecting with them, I have grown enormously. The growth shows up in my relationship with God, others, and even myself. God has stretched me through these ladies, and this one question, to the point where I’m actually hosting a conference on the topic this fall whichs includes how to create your own sisterhood group. Let me know if you want to learn more.

        • I love how God is working here to stretch out hands of sisterhood. Thank you ladies for reaching out and loving on Jen. Jen, it’s never ever too late to re-connect. Since I have struggled with anxiety and depression it is easy to get isolated. Often I’ve had to push myself to stay connected. It’s crucial that I do this so that I’m not a sitting duck for the enemy. Praying for you Jen and all the ladies here…
          Love, Bev

      • Jen,
        Those exact words hit me also! So lonely and praying for our place to sell. We live in a very small community and I’ve been an outsider from the time we moved here 8 years ago. I long to sell and move closer to my daughter, new churches and more opportunities to find friends. I long for community so much that some times I ache.

  4. I have one friend who’s 10 years older than me. She is a servant to us, the older singles of the church. No one works harder to love our motley crew than this sweet lady. I have a friend who is married but we talk on the phone and pray most weeks together. Being different and relating with different hearts is so meaningful and teaches us so much.

  5. Thank you for sharing this. I am at a stage where I very much need friendship, sisterhood, snd pray for such an opportunity.

  6. Lindsay, I am so grateful to Jesus for this beautiful grace of your words today, for every reply. As Bev said, we are not islands and need each Him and other so much in every place in our lives-it was for this that He died for us. I am so blessed by the wonderful sisters and brothers that the Lord has graced my life with, whom I can serve in His love. I pray that He will surround each person here with beautiful sisters to fellowship with, to share His life and love with, to bring to others from that place His love 🙂

  7. The message of friendship is such a universal message because we always need friends, no matter our age or season of life. We need to be there for each other! From the high school and college friends to the ladies in our Bible study groups, what a treasure we have when we build friendships. Thank you for your post today, Lindsay, and may we not take the friends we have for granted.

  8. Lindsey, I love that you found a place in sisterhood! What a blessing it is to have others show you what faithful friendship. Thank you for sharing your refreshing story on this topic.

  9. One of my deepest regrets is that I shunned community in college, preferring to soldier through experience with several jobs, lots of studying — and not very much personal growth. Thanks be to God that even though we can’t go back, we can go forward in wisdom!
    Thanks for your words which have probed a tender spot today.

  10. Lindsey,

    You are spot on here. We all crave friendships. I am blessed to have one covenant friendship. We share everything with each other. Also have other friends from work (ex-coworkers), church, Bible study. We all do life together. It is so nice to be able to pray for them and watch God work in amazing ways!

    Blessings 🙂

  11. Thank you, Lindsay for opening up discussion on sisterhood. In NZ, we don’t have sororities or anything like that during our education. I am an older woman now, retired, and have over the years belonged to various bible study groups or variations of them. We are generally a pretty reserved lot, which I suspect has sometimes hindered that real sisterhood that comes from sharing and loving one another authentically. I am blessed with a few close friends, some going back over many years, and usually get together along with husbands, which is a bit different again. It would be so wonderful to have that sisterhood with a group again. Meantime, I love “meeting” women through Internet blogs/websites – and so appreciate that connection with my sisters in the Lord from far away.

    • I agree with wanting that sisterhood with s group. Good has given my a nucleus of five wonderful sisters. But even though they are a “group” and we all go to the same church, it’s always one at s time. Email AS. Go to the look with JK. Go to lunch with BR…

      BUT sometimes I still feel a longing because we are a technology society now and everything is text, email Facebook etc. And then it can hit hard because I live alone. Last spring break I was sick and the only verbal contact was with my mom. When I get sick or pain has me confined to bed I call it house arrest. LOL. I do miss the person to person contact, where you just pluck up the phone she call just because, just to chat. Now you can send a text or email and it’s actually “okay” if the person doesn’t respond.

      Just turned 50 and live alone and most of my contact is via technology so I’m always waiting expectably for a notification that someone wrote to me. Can lead to a very disappointing day. LOL

  12. This was the piece I was missing when I was in deep depression. Even after I had acknowledged my part in the depression by being angry with God and focusing on my circumstances, it seemed I still wasn’t going anywhere, much less “up” out of depression.

    Then in January of 2012 God have me a new home church and with it real friendships with godly sisters. They jumped on the roller coaster ride, supporting me, admonishing, encouraging, but more importantly praying for me. Different ones got on the ride at different times as God saw fit, but none ever got off.

    They stuck with me through the ups and downs, twist and turns. And now four years later, even though there are still the twists and turns, we can enjoy the ride together. I thank God for them and can say my relationship with God wouldn’t be where it is today if it weren’t for my sistershood.

  13. My heart has been craving the same type of sisterhood. I’m a part of a big church, served in a few different ministries, i have grown close to a group of women, but over the years, a lot of them have moved across the states. We still email and do social media checks- but it was never as intimate as I would like. I didn’t go to church for three months because I was tired of going to church alone. and when i returned, no one noticed that I hadn’t attended all that time. I am also praying that God will send me godly sisters, not just friendships- but sisters.

    • Oh, how I know how you feel! There were leadership issues at my church and we were basically at s long to split. It’s hard to find s home church on your own. Go by yourself. Sit by yourself. Get up and go home by yourself. I to had gotten to point of going to “Bedside Baptist”. First Baptist was z Biblically sound so I figured if I was going to be shine I could be some in my house.

      Because if the church split I lost contact with some but with most of my friends, my “withdrawal” was due to health, fibromyalgia and degeneration in my back. When I couldn’t keep up I found myself alone. And all this happened while I was in deep depression.

      But God gave me s nucleus of some godly and cool sisters. And I’m a very she self protecting person so that let’s you know how special they are. They’re real friends where I could be completely honest and transparent. These 5 sisters know me inside and out.

      BUT sometimes I still feel it because we are a technology society now and everything is text, email Facebook etc. And then it can hit hard because I live alone. When I get sick or pain has me confined to bed I call it house arrest. LOL. I do miss the person to person contact, where you just pluck up the phone she call just because, just to chat. Now you can send a text or email and it’s actually “okay” if the person doesn’t respond.

      Well if you live in out are closer to Columbia. SC… 🙂
      Will be praying for you because I know how important my nucleus is to me.