I sat down in my closet to catch my breath. I think I was looking for something but I couldn’t remember what, and it seemed a good hiding place. Excitement and adrenaline were causing my hands to shake.
Nope. Fear was making my hands shake.
I hadn’t stopped to take it in. I sat down in my closet to consider that the dream I had been dreaming for years was finally real. Within two days thousands and thousands of women raised their hands, nodded their heads, deeply resonating with a longing to be a part of a story bigger than themselves.
IF:Gathering wasn’t pretend anymore.
And yet I was sitting on my closet floor in my pajamas.The two days were full of overwhelming support and conflict and I hadn’t quit shaking or responding long enough to decide how I felt about it.
I was a raised by a risk taker – my dad is a Venture Capitalist.
Venture: to proceed despite the risk of danger
So the recollections of my childhood contain years of plenty and moments I heard whispers in the other room and wondered if it was ok to mention that I needed new jeans. I admired my Dad – he never seemed flippant or careless. He always found a way to take care of us and usually my jean purchases were in tact.
Risk always takes a willingness to lose.
And on my closet floor the pressure felt thick because no one could tell me that jumping off such a high cliff didn’t have consequences. I missed the dream of it- the dream of a thing is pure and applauded and untainted with the cold dark unknown water of something real.
The question everyone asks themselves looking before cliff jumping into the unknown deep…
What do I have to lose?
It is the rare crazy one of us that doesn’t have 1000 answers to that question. We’ve built lives full of things we strongly don’t want to lose.
One of my favorite theology professors once said, “To risk is to willingly place your life in the hand of an unseen God and an unknown future, then to watch Him come through. He starts to get real when you live like that.”
Every single one of us has a risk we are either embracing or ignoring.
God seems to live on the other side of scary cliffs.
“For whoever wants to save his life will lost it, but whoever loses his life for Me will find it.” Matthew 16:25
And I know that if I run from this calling, it would be to save my life as I know it. I love my life as I know it…. my normal and simple and sane life.
But down deep, when I am not being shallow, I want more. I want more than normal and simple and sane. I want to find life, the kind of life you only find, if you lose normal and simple and sane.
See this life is meant to be lost. It will be lost whether I try to save it or not. So I may as well hand it over now, while He still could, perhaps, make some good use of it.
Restless. I believe in this project… I believe in it because as I wrote it, I lived it with women here in Austin and God moved. He set some free to dream again for the first time since college. He convicted some women of specific callings they had ignored and some of all of the fears holding them back. And others He gave a greater passion and vision for exactly what they were already doing.
Restless is a project about God inspired risk and what holds us back.
Are you ready to dream?
Grab some friends, and start the book today!
Don’t forget that we’re giving away 5 copies of Restless this week! To be entered to win, leave a comment on this post, completing the following sentence:
Where is God calling you to risk and what is holding you back?
I will risk _____________.