About the Author

I'm the mother of two little girls, the wife of an amazing husband who'd rather play the guitar than anything else and I love to write. I spend my weekends watching my daughters ride horses and play soccer. I blog daily and my greatest wish is to see women healed...

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  1. Hi Sarah,
    I completely understand and relate to thequestion would I go back and change any of it? I’m the same, yes, and no. But with that I wouldn’t want to trade the life I have now to not have what happened to me back then. So I’ve accepted that my past is just that, my past. I cannot change it even though I want to forget about it. I can’t do that either because even though my past was bad, and had lots of hurts and issues, it has helped make me who I am today.

    My biggest fear was having someone find out about my past because I was raised to believe–tell no one what happens in your life! Then God worked HARD in me so that I was forced to tell someone or else I was going to interally explode. Once I got through the worst healing process I’ve ever experienced, He started using me little by little to tell others my story. There are other people out there who need to know they can get help and survive it! I hate public speaking, bad anxiety over it! But with help from a trusted friend whom God put in my life through all of this, I gave my testimony in front of our church-twice! I spoke to our high school class, I gave devotions in our choir on songs that just pierced my heart, and I spoke just recently at our quarterly women’s gathering……..by this last opportunity, my anxiety only hit me just prior to speaking–not weeks in advance! So, its getting easier to get up in front of folks but not easier to tell them what I do. God keeps telling me, I have a story to tell and I need to share it. Someone needs to hear it.

    So I wouldn’t trade my life today to avoid all that happened causing me to need to go through the years of healing I went through

  2. Thank you for this reminder, Sarah. I especially loved the line “that God uses the deep dark to create the very, very good.” The enemy loves for us to keep our secrets, our shame to ourselves. But when we open up and share with others, more vulnerability can come of it, more openness and more light of Christ.

  3. Just full of truth and hope…Oh He is our great redeemer…there is nothing He can’t redeem…we just have to let Him. I was just talking to a young wife in a very difficult marriage…I shared this very thing with her…would I change some of the heart aches I have been through…yes/no…those heart aches have now become treasures…jewels formed in the fire…and for these treasures I am thankful. great post…blessings to you~

  4. This is an amazing message. I think it can apply to any kind of challenge or trial in life. While we are going through it, it is so difficult, but looking back we see our growth in God and wouldn’t trade the experience and growth for anything. (Well, most of the time anyway).

  5. This is a concept I’ve actually been pondering for the past few months. Things I’ve seen as crushing failures, traits I have that I’ve seen as detrimental, what if all of those things are part of a bigger story God is going to use for good? It’s a very freeing revelation. There are still some things I don’t understand, but at least now there’s the hope that God can see the whole picture and He has plans to “prosper you and not to harm you, plans for good and not for evil, plans to give you a hope and a future.” 🙂

  6. Sarah, I applaud you for writing this because, really, isn’t this something we ALL need to be reminded of? Yes!! I was just thinking recently about going back in time and changing things if I could – and would I want to. Not so much. As you mentioned, the past circumstances and choices bring us to where we are today. And I’m grateful for that. My today is so much better than my yesterday, or my long ago. Praise God! And my marriage IS richer and fuller through the tests of time. And I think my life in general is, too. We grow in our weakness, unfortunately, but also, thankfully. He offers us that grace for a reason.

  7. This is a beautiful post. The lyric “most often, it is joy that breaks the heart” comes to mind as I read this, because I, too, was the destroyer and the wounder at one time. I thought my heart broke back then, because of that evil, and in a sense it did…but I’m beginning to see the true meaning of “broken” only NOW, with the healing and the return of joy. Beautiful post, Sarah…thank you for writing it.

  8. Sarah,
    Thank you for sharing such a powerful, personal story! I know it has helped so many women. Evil wants us to keep our secrets in the dark, and the Truth will always set us free! A dear friend of mine tells me, ” we are only as sick as our secrets.”
    My “secret” was my alcohol abuse, which led to lies and deception, and self hatred. I can now share my story with others, how only by the grace of God I am sober today and have been for the past 8 years plus.
    Lisa.

  9. I know that God has used my experiences–good and bad–for His glory! Through tragedies I can tell people where to turn for help in their trials.

    There have been many times I thought about going back and changing a ton of things. But would it make me who I am today? Would I have this testimony? Doubtful!

    Good thought provoking post! Thanks for the honesty!

  10. Sarah, My friend you said it all so very beautifully. I have been reading your blog since the beginning, what a blessing it has been to me. In the mist of the pain we so often become trapped. In order to move forward we need to grieve what has been lost, forgive, hold on to faith and trust the Lord to see us through. It is quite a journey! I held on tight…..found the Lord in a way that words can’t express and with his love I’m strong enough to help myself fully heal by helping others heal. Being able to share with someone who has felt similar pain and made it through was a huge comfort to me. Just wanted you to know that over the years I had read MANY books, Cindy Beall’s book was by far the best. Reading her words was like hearing myself! Although our stories were different the pain was just as equal. I sent a box of her books to my Pastor with a note of encouragement tucked in each book from me. God is good! Those books have indeed been a blessing. It was your blog that first placed that book in my hands! Thank You!

  11. Sarah, as always, a beautiful post. Perhaps the secret lies in relishing in ALL that this World brings to us as long as we hand it over to the Lord to transform it; just as He has transformed ourselves, we must offer each piece of fabric to allow Him to sew it all together. 🙂

  12. Oh, the struggle between that Yes and No! I know it well. II Cor 1:3-4 have a whole new and deeper meaning when you have “been there”.

  13. Thanks for your awesome words once again!!!

    I thought I could end my affair without the shame of everybody finding out and I was so wrong. Once I confessed to my husband and pastor, they tried to keep it quiet for my sake. But it all got out and it was ugly. We lost friends and eventually changed churches becasue of it.

    As much as I wished it never happened and even with all the pain and shame it caused me and my family…. I would not change what happened because my husband and I now have a full happy life together. Not the fake marriage that we tolerated for the kids.

    I used to dred the day our children grew up and left the house because I was worried that without them, we would realize the marriage was truly over. I don’t dread it anymore and I am looking forward to spending time with my husband once they go off to college.

  14. “Your glory is made beautiful in my wound”.

    What powerful words.

    I long to know the truth of these words. I still harbour my own secrets, and I long to know the freedom that God can give from these. I’m still struggling, beating myself up time and time again, falling more times than I can count, but I’m clinging to God’s grace because it alone can save me.

    Thank you for sharing this today.

    Claire, Ireland

    • Thank you Claire.

      you are not alone. i woke up in the middle of the night two nights ago beating myself up over mistakes made. and i fail more times than I can count. so much.

      thank you for your honesty in your comment. it’s hard to be so vulnerable.

  15. Yes, He absolutely turns all my wounds, all my bad choices and fall into darkness, into beauty, light and hope and joy. I write about this often. I must. It is the beginning of me. Thank you, Sarah, for this post.

  16. I can’t thank you enough for your words. They are always so full of grace, mercy, stregnth that I know you have only gotten from God! You share so openly the good, bad and ugly and it’s both inspiring and humbling to witness. Thank you for continuing to be a testimony of all God has done for you. Made me think of this “What you meant for evil
    God intended for good.” We are so blessed to have a God that can take the broken pieces of our lives and create a beautiful masterpiece. That’s what he has done for you and me and so many others.

  17. I can’t thank you enough for your words. They are always so full of grace, mercy, stregnth that I know you have only gotten from God! You share so openly the good, bad and ugly and it’s both inspiring and humbling to witness. Thank you for continuing to be a testimony of all God has done for you. Made me think of this “What you meant for eviIl
    God intended for good.” We are so blessed to have a God that can take the broken pieces of our lives and create a beautiful masterpiece. That’s what he has done for you and me and so many others.

  18. (sigh) The painful truths we have to bring to light to see the grace in turmoil, the redemption in submission, the strength emerging from our weaknesses – the concept of “liabilities to assets,”…so much power in that. You’re so right – only through our humanity and our shortcomings can God’s amazing grace & love really permeate and change our hearts.

    Thanks for sharing!

  19. I needed to read this, yet I find myself torn between the wanting to read it and the wanting to put it away. Sharing the past is something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately. He’s used my secrets to change me 100%, but I’m hesitant to share with the world. Fear, of course. Praying for direction…

    Thank you for your words here, Sarah. And for sharing your story. 🙂

  20. Another great post, Sarah.
    Things I’ve done and the things done to me provide the motivation to cling to Jesus tighter. There is change, growth, and healing in that long embrace. I don’t know if I would ever grow into his image if I had not experienced “stupid” and “ugly.” And I still am.

  21. Sarah, I’ve been reading your posts for some time now and with each new post I feel the Lord washing me and reminding me that I’m not alone. Reading about the restoration in your life encourages me on such a deep level. I applaud your courage to share your story, to use it to bring Glory to the one whose grace IS sufficient and to remind women like you (namely me) that God has a purpose and a plan and that our mess can become a message of hope for someone else.

    I have recently been struggling with the same question. I would love to erase some areas of my past but at the same time I have to wonder if I would be where I am now with the Lord. I don’t know that I’d be willing to blot out some choices if it meant that in return I’d have a less intimate relationship with the Lord so for now I’m grateful for second chances and restoration in my marriage and in my mind. God is good ALL the time! THANK YOU FOR THIS.

  22. My pastor sent me this website truly amazing I love it… I really feel the need to share and I hope that’s ok… It will be a year in July since I married my husband, and moved my children and myself from California to Colorado.. It has been the most terrible year ever… I have made numerous mistakes and don’t know how to forgive myself and at this point my marriage is falling apart… It all started in October of 2012 when my husband and the church I worked at found out that I had stolen money from them, I lied to my husband numerous times, and text my ex boyfriend sexual gestures… My husband and I were going to counseling and trying to move forward… I became severely depressed and started taking an anti depressant.. I could feel myself becoming more and more angry and frustrated as time went on.. In May of this year I took Klonopin and had a severe reaction to it and ended up completely destroying my husbands house, and send my ex boyfriend a message on Facebook… I was so out if it that I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for three days… Upon returning home and literally remembering nothing that happened my husband says that our marriage is on a daily basis and depends upon my behavior…. I still find myself very needy and insecure which are feeling and emotions that I have never before experienced… I just hope and pray that God can save my marriage and change me into the person he wants me to be… I don’t have a clue as where to begin… Thank you for allowing me to share…

    Laurie Smith