About the Author

I'm a stay at home mama to two babies: one with Jesus, one in my arms. I am writing a book about grief and how it has shaped my life and faith.

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  1. Thank you for such an honest, beautiful post. You expressed what I have tried to share with others (and failed!) so perfectly. Trusting God through the pain – and lack of answers! … hard for others to understand unless they have walked that path. Thank you again.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing this today <3 My heart needed this devotion. In
    January, one of the members of my
    sons band that lived with us three days a week went home to be with Jesus. It was an unexpected loss and has left my heart aching every day. He had just turned 17 and would be graduating in June. It is an Awesome comfort knowing we will see James again in heaven one day <3. Praying for you today <3. Thanks for comforting my heart today!

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I am glad you find comfort in knowing you will see James in heaven.

  3. This is so lovely, and I am deeply sorry that you lost your baby girl. But as you testify, you can’t wait to see her again in heaven. God is mindful of us even during difficult times. He knows what is best but sometimes it is hard to comprehend.

    • “God is mindful of us,” YES! He loves us so much, I have to remind myself of that all the time.

  4. Such maturity and wisdom here.

    Thanks so much for your vulnerablity.

    May He bless you and surprise you with peace and joy this week.

    Hugs,
    Kate

  5. Angela,

    Thanks for the openness and honesty of this post! I, too struggled with questions and no answers. My mother lay in bed with dementia and sundowner’s while dad took care of her 24/7 for 3 years before God saw fit to take her home with Him.

    Why some go to Him so soon & others linger on in pain and agony we will never ever know till we get to Heaven. This I do know God is in Control and has a wonderful plan in all this!

    • That must have been a difficult time for your family. I’m glad your mother is resting with Jesus now.

  6. Wow… what a faith journey. Thank you for sharing your story. I lost a twin in utero but I cannot even pretend to imagine what your journey was like. I believe God calls us ALL to long for heaven daily. Thank you for the inspiration.

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. I believe it’s hard to lose a baby no matter when it happens. Thinking of your sweet baby today.

  7. This made me cry tears of relief. When we go through the unexplainable unimaginable unbelievable sorrows that life brings; we have a creator who knows everything that we can’t see! I rest in the fact that someday he’ll reveal exactly what his plan for my life was, and I’ll have my ahha moment! Resting in his plan secures my heart!

  8. I sometimes refer to our oldest child as ‘third time’s the charm’ because he is not our first child, but the firstborn. A miscarriage is nowhere near as devastating as a child lost I think.. the years have softened the loss. And the days filled with the laughter of children.
    We have friends who lost there son shortly after his birth, I read these words of yours

    (Jeremiah 29:11).

    On September 9, 2011 my son, Bennett

    Wow. How God moves, his name is Jeremiah Bennett L.

    • I’m sorry for the loss of your baby, and your friend’s baby. There are many who walk this journey, and I think it’s difficult no matter when a baby is lost because it’s someone’s child, a precious, wanted life. I love the name Jeremiah Bennett, so beautiful.

  9. Its a hard acceptance to reach at times i feel I’m there then i stumble backwards into the lost zone.

    Losing a child never makes sense and i have tried to stop trying to understand and just trusting in the one with all the answers.

    Until we are reunited.

    • It is a cycle, isn’t it? Every time I think I’ve fully accepted it I find myself questioning it all over again.

  10. There are so many things in this life we do not have answers for and will not until we meet Jesus. And then, we probably won’t care what the answers are. So sorry you lost your little girl, Angela, but thankful you’ve found your way back to the loving arms of our Savior. Blessings from an admirer of your strength and wisdom.

    • For a long time I thought I would start asking questions as soon as my feet hit the pavement of heaven. Now I realize I’ll have a thousand more important things to do, like hugging my girl and kneeling at the feet of our Father with a thankful heart.

  11. when there are no answers it’s incredibly challenging to trust. And for me, that’s exactly how God prompted me to learn that I could trust Him. Experiencing my own loss and similarities as you, I know that “pushing Him aside” and the familiarity of angst with the baby post loss. He uses those stories for such beauty, though–the peace we know now is amazing.

    Rich blessings, Angela, as He leads you ever more gently toward His heart.

  12. Thank you for your honest post. I am struggling with my relationship with God, and your words articulated it perfectly: I didn’t turn away from God, but I set him aside, stepped around our relationship gingerly, uncertain of the Father who promised to love me, set my path, and keep me safe.

    I don’t know what to do with God when so much pain happens. I don’t know why I should pray when it seems that God will randomly answer some prayers and not others. Yet I haven’t fully turned my back on God, either. I just don’t know where to go from here.

    • Praying for you today. A friend shared this quote with me this morning, “How did we ever get the idea that God would supply us on demand with quick fixes, that God is merely a rescuer, and not a midwife?” -Sue Monk Kidd. It encouraged me to continue praying and seeking help even when I feel like no one is listening to my pleas. It’s so hard to feel like God isn’t listening, but He is with us, His hands guide us through the difficult and good times.

  13. While I am thankful I have never lost a child, I lost my husband a year ago through divorce… and other things. Talk about pain and wariness, the line “My faith in God went from true, steadfast, and trusting to confused, wary, and hurt”, hit home perfectly.
    I was what I and most people around me believed to be a strong Christian that knew there would be trials and I would get through anything with the love of Jesus Christ.
    I was suddenly broken and miserable and the time wasboth tramatic and dramatic for myself and my good friends. My children suffered too, and I was no consolation, but I tried. Faith shaken I still attend services, still pray but just ask to be lead… I have no idea what is to come of my life, but I do know it is in the hands of Jesus and if I continue to seek and pray and harvest the strength that only He can give, I will do ok. I will be fine. Please pray that I find that peace once more. Still a bit dizzy…Rebecca

    • Thinking of you, and praying for your heart, and for peace. After Charlotte died I showed up at church with a lot of confusion and hurt. I didn’t know if I should be there, if I wanted to be there, but I kept showing up and God worked in my heart with every sermon our pastor preached. I’ve learned that God can work in our lives even if the only thing we can manage at the time is sitting in a pew listening. You are in His hands.

  14. “Maybe I needed to be broken to see Him”

    Yes yes and yes – I have been there – in the broken, i too set God aside and it took breaking me for me to see Him again – to lay out my heart and Hope He would be there!

    Love this Angela – thank you for sharing your heart!

    Love and blessings,
    xoTiffany

  15. Hi I found you from BLM bloggers. This was really beautiful I am in the sticky painful part just a few months out. I am so (IN) couraged thank you!

  16. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this. One month ago today, we lost our fourth child, baby Isaiah, to SIDS at 25 days old. It is something I go from accepting to questioning on a dime. Only God holds the answers, and I’ve realized that the answers won’t bring us comfort, because regardless of the outcome, he’s not coming back to this earth. I journaled the other day that God not only turns unbelievers into believers of Christ, but believers of Christ into doers for Christ. I’m standing strong in the midst of this, knowing that God is going to use my sorrow for His glory. Praying for your heart to continue the healing process, from one Mama who knows the emptiness losing a child brings.

  17. Today my soul greatly needed to be reminded that many times we don’t need to seek answers, just seek the Lord. My husband and I miscarried 3 months ago and still have not conceived. Each month is a test of my faith. Will I trust in Him? Will I waiver and give in to temptation and doubt? I hope in the end He finds me faithful. A friend who experienced a miscarriage encouraged me to get something to remind us of our first child. We purchased a Willow Tree called “Forget me not.”
    As I wait for the day when God may bless us with a child I am encouraged as scripture reminds me to “wait patiently” and to put my hope in His word. [Psalm 130] I am so sorry for your loss and I too await the day when I can see our child dancing in Heaven and filled with joy to worship the Savior.